Video Games

That's just stupid, why even bother giving them titles then. They should had just titled it Secret Reel.

yeah i know, i was annoyed when i found out collecting the reels did almost nothing.

I just got back into playing Smash Brawl, which I stopped playing like earlier last year. The thing I like about the game is that there is over 300+ hour play of secrets and different things to get from secret characters, stages, music, and trophies.

The trophies are of characters and items, which are from different games. Melee was the reason Fire Emblem came overseas. It had been out well since the NES era, but it wasn't until several trophies featuring RPG like characters in Melee that people started fussing about not getting those games.

^ Melee is the only game I distinctly remember where everyone just HAD to get the game. I don't remember if I tried to get it and my mom said no because of the violence or if I just never followed up on it.

okay, here's the rough draft of that contest entry i was talking about:

Shortly after his adventures in the Wasteland, Mickey Mouse cannot help but to feel unsatisfied at the fact that Oswald is still trapped in the Wasteland with all the other forgotten characters without any hearts. Mickey employs the help of Professor Ludwig von Drake. Ludwig manages to create an artificial heart prototype that will hopefully allow the citizens of the Wasteland to travel to Mouseton.
Mickey manages to use the little bit of the Blot that was in him to travel back to the Wasteland through Yen Sid’s shop. However, in doing so, a part of the Blot falls into the artificial heart without Mickey knowing. Mickey arrives at the Wasteland castle and shows the heart to Oswald. Oswald is angry and offended when he sees the heart: he would rather have no heart at all than a fake one. In his anger, Oswald throws the artificial heart away. However, by throwing the heart away, someone in the shadows manages to find the fake heart.
Upset by the fact Oswald is angry with him, Mickey tries to find a way to cheer up Oswald with the guidance of Gus. In order to make it up to Oswald, Mickey goes in search of some missing cartoons from the castle archive. However, when he finishes and apologizes to Oswald, the two discover that the Mad Doctor has taken the artificial heart and has begun to mass produce it. The Mad Doctor puts the fake hearts (all with a little piece of the Blot inside them) into some of the citizens, corrupting and controlling them. The Mad Doctor plans to use the citizens as an army to take over the Wasteland and then use their fake hearts to move onto Mouseton and Duckburg.
Together, Mickey and Oswald travel to the Land of Tomorrow to visit Doctor Einmug in order to figure out how to save the citizens of the Wasteland and stop the Mad Doctor. On the way there, Oswald and Mickey bicker with one another; Oswald blames Mickey for bringing the heart to the Wasteland in the first place while Mickey points out it was Oswald who threw the heart away. When they arrive, Doctor Einmug deduces that the only way to save the citizens is by thinning them where the heart is located. Once the heart is visible, Mickey must either use more thinner to erase the heart completely or use paint to override the Blot’s power.
Mickey and Oswald travel to the different sections of the Wasteland, saving the citizens along the way as they pursue the Mad Doctor. Mickey comes to realize a true heart is not something a person can just create.
The group manages to reach the Mad Doctor on the outskirts of Mickey Junk Mountain just as he is preparing to give himself a heart without any of the Blot inside it. The group manages to fix the machines that produce the hearts by making them produce untainted hearts and defeat the Mad Doctor. However, the group learns that the Mad Doctor was working with someone else the entire time. One of the mountains suddenly begins to move and reveals itself to be Chernabog. Realizing his plans have failed, Chernabog takes a heart and travels to Mouseton. Oswald and Gus help launch Mickey to Mouseton where Chernabog is wreaking havoc. Mickey arrives and is forced to fight Chernabog alone.
After Mickey defeats Chernabog, Yen Sid intervenes and uses his magic to take the heart from Chernabog and send him back to the Wasteland in a dormant state. With the portal open between the Wasteland and Mouseton, characters from the Wasteland look on at Mouseton. Suddenly, the mechanical hearts Mickey was able to fix transform into real hearts. The heart from Chernabog that Mickey was holding transforms into a real heart and goes inside Oswald. Yen Sid leaves the portal to the Wasteland open, forever connecting Mouseton with the Wasteland and its citizens.


This is almost exactly 700 words. so, if things need to be redone or added, id appreciate suggestions on how to word it so it's still around 700 words. one part of the entry information says it has to be less than 700 while another part says less than 750...so im playing it safe and making sure it's around 700.

You're kidding about Melee right? Your mom wouldn't let you play that game? Don't let the rating fool you, it should had never been rated Teen. The reason it was, was because there was this trophy figure from a game only available in Japan. Apparently this character trophy is some kind of demon like Satan figure.

Anyway long story short, before the game was even rated or released the NA version took out the demon figure trophy character. Ok so if that's the case, why would you still keep it rated as teen? Honestly it was the most retarded rating I have yet to see.

Your story sounds pretty good so far, but if it's going to be in a competition I would reword and fix sentences so that they run smoothly, like someone is reading a story and not a elevator pitch idea.

I also liked your earlier idea where Mickey doesn't deliver the heart in person to Oswald. I don't know, I think it works more effectively that way, but that might just be me. It's still a good story!

no, im not kidding. she didn't want us to get it because of the violence or some stupid crap like that. i wanted it with the gamecube and luigi's mansion.

of course now, my sister is allowed to play rated M games. and, a year or so after i asked for Melee, my mom's friend gave me an M rated game. @_@

ANYWAY lol...

can you give me an example of how you would reword sentences? when it comes to rewording, i need examples lol.

do you remember how Mickey gave Oswald the heart instead of delivering it in person? i dont remember how it went...oh wait...it's written in the forum...duh XD nevermind lol XD

What? Did you think you told me in person lol? I don't know, I just liked the not in person approach. To me it gave more tension. Like he's not there in person and he has the nerve to give it to him. Quick and effective still, without all the other possibly unnecessary drama.

That way Mickey is still in his world and Oswald in his. They are still not connected as siblings to well. Then the bad guy finds the heart which is thrown carelessly somewhere. This way there is impending danger and no one is united just yet.

I can't tell you how many times a game lost a little appeal to me because the group of characters just formed together too quickly.

You would like Melee and Brawl, both have a few different characters in them, which makes them unique. They all kept all the characters from the first Smash Brothers.

I would suggest going for Brawl if you were to though, because there is a lot more replay value.

I don't know what I was thinking lol XD.

My only concern with not giving it to him in person is then that slows down the actual part of Mickey being in Wasteland. the contest (from what I got) is you writing an adventure that takes place in the Wasteland and could arguably be made into a video game. If Mickey doesn't give it to Oswald in person then it's more time where he's not in the Wasteland.

Would it work if instead I emphasized their lack of connection as they go on the adventure together a little bit more? Since the end of the first game concludes that they see each other more as brothers, this one could be about the sibling fights they have. like, they're still not used to each other so they have sibling fights.

and again, i hate to pry, but can you give me an example of what you mean by fixing the wording? i need to see an example before i can change the style of writing XD.

isnt Brawl the one you don't like?

I liked all three games and neither of the successors has changed my opinion of the earlier versions.

As for the game idea, do they want Oswald and Mickey to team up right away? You could have it that Mickey gives the heart (not in person if you want it to go that way) Oswald doesn't like it due to your idea/his of the not a real heart, throws it away and the bag guy gets it.

You could then have some kind of time skip or whatever where something happens because of the villain with his heart. The disturbance happens in Oswald's world, say when he's sleeping at night and wakes up from something frightening but unknown to him/the audience.

This way the player gets to play as Oswald. So it could switch back and forth in the early stages so that Mickey and Oswald meet on the journey.

The ideas that you can make up are limitless. You just got to write whatever you want to.

You've written essays right? Well just use those as references. You don't want to hand in a brainstorm rough, it needs that extra something that will set it apart from the other submissions.

yeah but ive never written an essay that describes events in a story. i was taught NOT to do that lol. so i dont really know the best way to go about writing an essay of a plot.

and i like the idea of players playing as Oswald. that's sick.

You still want to make the story captivating and you can do so with easy ways. For example if you're explaining a part and several words indicating the same thing need to be used, you can always change them. This is a bad example, but like sprint or run. They both mean the same thing, but you don't have to constantly use the word run throughout the story.

The way you describe something will be just as effective. The volcano erupted. Sure we all know what a volcano is, but nothing to go by.

The firey mountain erupted, spewing its deadly flames over the lands beneath it.

I don't know if that helps and I doubt it does, but you get the picture.

i get what you're saying. so basically i need to use the thesaurus XD.

Basically, that's what I sometimes use when I'm typing out the FF chapters. Plus the way you describe something will keep the audiences or judges more interested. It's ok to use a word more than once, but try not to keep repeating that said word with every sentence that it is needed. You kind of have to use your judgment on that one.

yeah, no i get it. i usually do do that. when you said changing it though, i thought originally that my format was totally off XD.

Well you only have a rough draft, I need to see it when it's closer to being done.

right. though, i usually treat my rough drafts pretty seriously =p.

Loyal Subject wrote:no, im not kidding. she didn't want us to get it because of the violence or some stupid crap like that. i wanted it with the gamecube and luigi's mansion.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention this funny part about Melee. It's rated teen, but they edited a song.

In Donkey Kong 64, they have an opening song inviting the entire Kong crew. One of the lines is "This kong is a hell of a guy.", but they change it to heck in a soundtrack for Melee. I'm sorry, but why even make it a teen game if they can't even use the word hell.

because they're stupid.

Years back when Melee was still on the shelves, I remember a kid showing it to his parents only for them that it was too mature for him. Then they're oh but this game isn't. I can't remember if it was Resident Evil or Grand Theft Auto. I just wanted to slap the mother on the backside of her head.

lol yeah that's pretty stupid.

okay, i did another draft of the essay!

Epic Mickey: Return to the Wasteland
Shortly after his adventures in the Wasteland, Mickey Mouse cannot help but to feel unsatisfied at the fact that Oswald and all the other forgotten characters are still in the Wasteland without any hearts. Mickey employs the help of Professor Ludwig von Drake who manages to create an artificial heart prototype that will hopefully allow the citizens of the Wasteland to travel to Mouseton.
Using the little bit of the Blot inside him, Mickey travels back to the Wasteland. However, in doing so, a part of the Blot falls into the artificial heart without Mickey knowing. When Mickey arrives at the Wasteland castle, he proudly shows the heart to Oswald. Unfortunately, Oswald is angry and offended when he sees the heart: he would rather have no heart at all than a fake one. In his anger, Oswald throws the creation away. However, by throwing the heart away, someone lurking in the shadows manages to find it.
Upset by the fact Oswald is angry with him, Mickey tries to find a way to cheer up Oswald with the guidance of Gus. Gus suggests Mickey goes in search of some missing cartoons from the castle archive. Once the cartoons have been recovered and Mickey apologizes to Oswald, the two discover that the Mad Doctor has taken the artificial heart and has begun to mass produce it. The Mad Doctor puts the fake hearts (all with a little piece of the Blot inside them) into some of the citizens, corrupting and controlling them. Planning to use the citizens as an army to take control of the Wasteland and then Mouseton, the Mad Doctor injects the hearts into some of the citizens which corrupts and controls them.
Together, Mickey and Oswald visit to the Land of Tomorrow to see Doctor Einmug in order to figure out how to save the citizens of the Wasteland and stop the Mad Doctor. Along the way, Oswald blames Mickey for bringing the heart to the Wasteland in the first place while Mickey points out it was Oswald who threw the heart away. Unable to come to a resolution, the two reach Doctor Einmug who deduces that the only way to save the citizens is by thinning them where the heart is located. Once the heart is visible, Mickey must either use more thinner to erase the heart completely or use paint to override the Blot’s power.
While still not on the best terms with one another, the brothers travel to the different sections of the Wasteland, saving the citizens along the way as they pursue the Mad Doctor. Mickey comes to realize a true heart is not something a person can just create.
The group manages to reach the Mad Doctor on the outskirts of Mickey Junk Mountain just as he is preparing to give himself a heart without any of the Blot inside it. The group manages to fix the machines that produce the hearts by making them produce untainted hearts and defeat the Mad Doctor. However, the group learns that the Mad Doctor was working with someone else the entire time. One of the mountains suddenly begins to move and reveals itself to be Chernabog. Realizing his plans have failed, Chernabog takes a heart and travels to a portal that separates the Wasteland from Mouseton. Mickey, Oswald, and Gus follow close behind after launching the rocket in Tomorrowland. When they arrive, Chernabog attempts to get into Mouseton however, the mechanical heart brakes upon his attempted entry. Together, Mickey and Oswald battle Chernabog.
After Mickey and Oswald defeat Chernabog, Yen Sid arrives and sends Chernabog into a dormant state back in the Wasteland. Mickey sheepishly gives Yen Sid the broken heart. As Yen Sid is using his magic to close the portal to Mousteon, Mickey apologizes to Oswald once more, now fully realizing his mistake. Oswald forgives Mickey. Suddenly, Oswald’s chest begins to glow as a heart starts to form. Across the Wasteland, other characters begin to possess hearts of their own as well. Seeing this, Yen Sid stops closing the portal and instead leaves it open thereby connecting Mouseton and the Wasteland forever.


im still not sure if this is too essay-sounding =/. i also changed the ending :D

It is worded much better and not as repetitive with sentences and words, which can kill a good plot/story. Although the beginning and ending sounds great, I'm not so sure about the middle.

For a story it sounds great/interesting, but as a game it seems pretty fast paced. Not saying you did a bad job, but games are very different from literature forms. So I really don't know how well you can make an in depth story for a pitch of a game. But it just seems like the bad guys plans are quickly thwarted, making him seem less villainous.

Although you can't really elongate a long adventure filled with villainy in 700 words. I'm also not too sure about the cheering up part for a video game. For a story yeah that sounds reasonable/good, but for gameplay value I know I wouldn't be all into that part. It would have to be really short, like less then an hour, so that the main plot can take over quickly. Otherwise it will drag on too much, which will cause you to lose an audience.

I know you're not making a game, but these are things you should keep in mind since you're creating a story for a video game.

i know, that's what i was having trouble with (about the middle part) because i dont get how you could possibly write an action/adventure game with only 700 words. which is why i tried to imply that there's a lot of stuff going on when they travel to the different parts of the Wasteland it's just that not much plot occurs other than the conflict between Mickey and Oswald progressively getting worse. i just described Tomorrowland as sort of a 'taste' of what would happen in the other parts of the Wasteland which was what one of my friends suggested i do. because to describe everything that happens in each part of the Wasteland is impossible to do in 700 words unless maybe i cut the opening and ending of the game. which i could do, i just have to think of a way to cut it where it would still make sense.

and the making it up to Oswald part I dont imagine taking very long. it's like one of those stupid side-quests you have to do in the first game. because there's a TON of stupid side quests in the first game...so i figured i ought to mention one. and it gives the Mad Doctor enough time to do his thing before he attacks.

the other thing i was thinking of in terms of fixing the middle was coming up with a better reason as to why they have to go to all the different parts of the Wasteland. because in the first game, Mickey just has to go and collect rocket parts. so im thinking if there's a stronger reason to go to the Wasteland parts like with what happened in Tomorrowland, it might not feel as rushed....

Maybe for the middle part you should make it that the player (Mickey or Oswald) needs something in order to be able to be a match against the awesome powers of the big bad and his heart.

Maybe they need to go in search of a bunch of different gears or something all spread across the world in order to create a machine that nullifies his powers. It doesn't kill him, but makes him weaker enough to stand a fighting chance.