Two Things To Show

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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Wed Mar 24, 2010 8:00 pm

Anyway, I tried to do this last night but then my internet went down....

So, I have been writing this story based on Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. It's basically a sequel to it where Alice returns but thinks Underland was nothing but a dream. It's an attempt to expand on concepts that were discussed in the Visual Guide and Interviews but was never really touched upon. The reason why I am posting this particular chapter is because I wrote the story saying "I don't know if I'm going to turn this into a huge story" but then I got a ton of reviews asking to expand the story. So I did but no one has replied to this chapter except a usual reviewer. I'm beginning to think the only reason why they even left a review was to find out where the original script was of Alice since I mentioned it and most of the reviews are "oh wow you're story is awesome...where did you find the original script to Alice?". And once I left the instructions to it, they stopped reviewing. In short, I feel used by these people....

So yeah, here is the third chapter. I just want to get an outsider's opinion on the matter since maybe it's my writing style or something. One of the reasons why I'm baffled is that this is Tarrant's (Hatter's) introduction...and the story is a Alice x Hatter story....anyway... Let me know what you think. I can answer any questions you may have.

Reunion

His eyes were large peridots staring directly at her, full of the deepest affection she had ever seen. His dark orange hair stuck out from underneath his overly large hat which contained pins, peacock feathers (or rather, a very fancy hat pin), and a card reading "10/6". His complexion (or was it merely white paint?) was as pale as snow. A sash composed of different colored spools of thread rested across his deep purple jacket. His pants did not reach his shoes, exposing a miss-matched pair of socks. Yet, despite these collectively odd features, the one aspect of the man that stood out the most was his large smile with a gap in between his two front teeth.

"I didn't think you would return so quickly!" he exclaimed, rushing out of his seat and towards her as if she were the most important thing in the world. However, he did not get far as he paused while still near a table set with tea decorations. "You are a little smaller than when we last parted. Are you on a pishalver diet?" He laughed at his joke, an odd sort of laugh it was. It was then that Alice noticed his other companions who were currently sitting by three tables that were placed together: a small white mouse that giggled with delight (who Alice was certain she remembered) and Thackery who laughed hysterically loud.

"Have some tea!" Thackery exclaimed and threw a teacup in Alice's direction. Alice moved to the side even though the teacup was not going to hit her. It fell on the ground, tea spilling all over the grass.

"I'll have another cup!" the Dormouse Mallymkun replied cheerfully (for Alice began to remember her name). While Mallymkun decided it was best to pour her own cup rather than leave the task to Thackery, the odd man had ceased his laughter. His smile gradually began to fade away as he saw the puzzled expression upon Alice's face. Alice in turn shifted uneasily at his stare, deep down feeling as though she ought to remember the man. The two stared at one another as if communicating. Words were unnecessary. Although Alice could not recall the man, she could feel a connection with him like no other as though the missing space inside her was gradually beginning to fill. Mallymkun eventually caught on to their behavior and her laughter ceased; Thackery, on the other hand, continued with his mad fun, providing the only sound at the moment.

Alice then noticed the man's purple bags (or at least, they appeared to be bags) under his eyes were beginning to grow darker. His eyes were also slightly changing color. The man was clearly aware of this as well and immediately turned away from her.

"Tarrant..." Mallymkun said softly. But it was too late for comforting now. With a swipe of his arm, Tarrant sent an assortment of teacups, teapots, and whatever treats the party had been eating across the table he was closest to, a cry of anger, sadness, and pain escaping from his lips. Thackery jolted from this sudden violent behavior, hiding himself under the round table for protection. Alice flinched as well, moving back a few paces out of fear as her heart was beginning to race. "Tarrant!" Mallymkun exclaimed a second time sternly just as Tarrant was about to push the small round table over.

As if a spell had been lifted, Tarrant ceased his current actions. While Alice could not see Tarrant's face, the bags underneath his eyes were beginning to return to their formal purple color.

"I'm fine," Tarrant said, his voice forced as though he were still quarreling with a demon inside him. Knowing his episode was now over, Thackery came out of his hiding place, quivering slightly. Tarrant looked from Mallymkun to Alice; however, upon seeing the look of horror present upon Alice's face, Tarrant's deep purple jacket transformed to a blue color. "I'm sorry," he added softly.

Tarrant slowly walked over towards Alice as if he were afraid to frighten her again. She knew he was no longer a threat simply by the look in his eyes. There was a certain sadness present in them. He reminded her of a small child who was suddenly lost in the world and his eyes were glassy as though he were on the verge of tears. Alice could not help but to feel guilty as she stared at Tarrant, blaming herself for his current torment.

"Come, have some upelkuchen," Tarrant remarked as he cautiously led Alice to the tables, holding her hand with the upmost care. Alice felt awkward having her tiny hand encompassed in his large, somewhat bandaged one. Yet she knew he was making sure that no harm came to her along the way as though she were a porcelain doll. While Tarrant provided a chair for Alice next to him, Mallymkun took a small piece of cake and placed it on a plate that was in front of Alice's seat.

"Only a little bit," Mallymkun instructed. "Unless you want to break the chair," she added when Alice presented a confused expression.

"No crushing of my chairs!" Thackery exclaimed, nearly breaking his cup of tea out of excitement.

Alice stared at the three for a moment before obediently taking a bite out of the cake. It was easily the most delicious piece of cake she had ever tasted. Yet, she could not associate the taste with anything from her own world. Just as she was about take another bite, Tarrant motioned for her to stop. It was not long before she could feel herself growing. Her clothes tightened as though she were wearing a corset. She gasped at the unpleasant tightness. However, she was glad to be at her normal height again. Why her clothes tightened while eating the cake but did not when she passed through the looking glass, she did not know.

"What did you call this?" Alice inquired, motioning to the cake as she attempted to find some comfort with her clothes.

"Upelkuchen. We can find more proper clothes for you," Tarrant added upon seeing her discomfort.

"That's very kind of you to offer but I don't think Thackery, Mallymkun, or you will have any clothes that will suit me," Alice remarked. Mallymkun and Tarrant stared at one another in confusion.

"So you do remember me!" Thackery exclaimed joyously before pouring tea down his throat. He became jitterier as a result as though the tea were some sort of drug for him. Tarrant sank a little at Thackery's exclamation however he knew not to hold anything against Thackery's madness.

"Alice, what do you remember?" Tarrant inquired, a bit of hope filling his voice.

"Just bits and pieces," Alice replied, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I came here by accident and would very much like to return to my world but I don't know how to get back." Mallymkun immediately turned to Tarrant upon Alice's remark. However, Tarrant was trying his best to remain calm at her words even though they stung deeply.

"Well, Thackery, Mallymkun, and I will bring you to Marmoreal after Tearty. The White Queen should be able to help you," Tarrant remarked briskly as he did not want to hinder on the subject. Again, Alice provided a puzzle look. "Marmoreal is where the White Queen lives and today is Tearty day where everyone has tea all day long," Tarrant added. Alice nodded as she attempted to process the information.

"I could go there myself. I would hate to cause you trouble," Alice replied. They were already treating her so kindly and yet she could not even remember that she had actually visited Underland before; it still only appeared to be a dream to her. Not to mention, she could not even remember Tarrant.

"We are part of the White Queen's court. It's no trouble at all," Mallymkun informed. Tarrant and even Thackery nodded in agreement. Alice gazed sheepishly down at her plate, biting her lip. What a terrible situation she was currently in. And to think, it was all because she had grown curious of a looking glass. Now she was forced to face people she thought only existed in her dreams who had actually cared for her in reality.

"Have some tea Alice," Tarrant remarked, causing Alice to look up from her plate. "After all, no Tearty day is complete without tea." Quietly, Tarrant graciously poured her a cup of tea. Alice watched as the warm liquid went from the white teapot with a purple top to a small cup. "Don't worry Alice, Mirana—that's the White Queen, you know—will set everything right. If anyone can give you your memory back, she can," he added after he had finishing pouring the tea. He even managed to smile at her. Alice could not help but to smile gratefully back.

"I would like to get my memory back," Alice admitted even though she had never said she wished to recollect her forgotten memories. Yet, now that she had met Tarrant, Mallymkun, and Thackery, Alice wanted nothing more than to be able to remember everything about Underland.

"And in the meantime, if you have any questions, feel free to ask," Tarrant replied, his jacket once again returning to its purple color. For some reason, Alice felt as though the changing of his jacket color was a good thing causing her to relax.

"Well, how do you all serve the White Queen?" Alice inquired, immediately taking Tarrant's offer of assistance.

"That is an excellent question. Thackery here is one of the White Queen's chefs..." Tarrant began. As if on cue, Thackery threw a plate clear across the table, causing it to smash into a far away tree. "...Mallymkun is a royal guard..." Appropriately, Mallymkun displayed her fighting skills with her hatpin, a proud look on her face. Alice could tell she must have been a fierce fighter even though she was so small. "...and I'm a hatter." Alice smiled at the end of Tarrant's explanation as he motioned to his hat. The spools of thread, pins, and hat certainly made sense now. "But now Alice, I have a question for you!" Alice cocked her head to the side. What sort of question could he possibly ask? "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

Alice pondered this for a moment while Tarrant continued to smile. While he was upset Alice was unable to recall him, he could not help but to amuse himself by asking her this particular question. After all, he had already confessed to her that he hadn't the slightest idea as to what the answer was but she did not need to know that.

"Keep thinking about it," Mallymkun added, trying her best not to giggle at Tarrant's small prank.

"Yes, keep thinking about it," Tarrant encouraged, smiling wider. Alice could not help but to think there was something she was not quite understanding. Yet, despite this, Alice chose to let this pass and enjoy the company of her friends.

The rest of Teatry was filled with utter nonsense as Alice became rather tired of hearing all this new information to the point where she had felt bombarded. She did, however, continue her attempt at recollecting the memories of her previous visit. This did not go as well as she had planned though it was difficult for her to be upset about it as she was having so much fun at the tea party.

"Oh father, I wonder what you would do if you were here," Alice thought to herself. She imagined he would enjoy it very much: probably even more than she. So the day passed and appeared to quickly fall into twilight.

Mirana stood at her balcony, her hands lightly floating in the air as she admired the landscape that lay before her. It was quiet and peaceful now that Iracebeth's rein hand ceased. She inhaled a large, relaxing sigh of relief as she closed her eyes.

But a shadow was lurking behind her menacingly. It watched her for some time, analyzing her. Desperately, it was searching for something within her behavior but all it could find was a calm, collective queen who would not dare to hurt a soul. The shadow was displeased with this deduction. However, it had no choice but to daringly reveal itself.

"Mirana," it called, tempting her to the darkness the white curtain between the balcony and Mirana's room provided. Mirana did not turn to the dark figure but merely opened her eyes, staring forward as if a part of her was expecting the shadow's arrival.

"Stayne," she replied coolly.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Sat May 22, 2010 10:22 pm

okay this is really weird. i got another good review on my Avatar fan fiction (the bad one). i dont get it, i just don't get it! i was flamed to no end for this story and now all of sudden there are positive reviews popping out of nowhere. i feel like there's a conspiracy going on XD.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Lee on Sat May 22, 2010 10:25 pm

Oh wow I didn't even see this. (The long chapter you posted months ago.) Sorry about that. I will read it later though, it's a bit late right now and I don't think I'll have the right mind to remember most of it.

Anyways maybe it's because the actual story is over now? They want to have a story to wet their appetites until the movie comes out and watching the actual series gets repetitive once you've seen it all. What story is this though?
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Sat May 22, 2010 10:32 pm

you might not want to read the long chapter i posted, it's part of my Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland fanfiction.

i dont think the person went searching for my story through the Avatar archive. I think they're reading it because they're reading my Alice fanfiction that im currently writing. And Im only saying that because the name is "Cheshirecat" something XD.

and it's the first fanfiction I wrote: that really crappy one that Ai spawned from. the OC x Zuko one. which is why i dont get it. the style is completely different from the story im working on now. its just...baffling. and puzzling.

i also never finished that story on ff.net so im thinking about actually updating the stupid thing since someone is actually reading it XD
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Lee on Sat May 22, 2010 10:33 pm

Well they could be just being friendly you know?
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Sat May 22, 2010 10:46 pm

yeah that's true. though still...i would think they would have stopped at chapter 1...they read all 33 chapters O_o.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Lee on Sat May 22, 2010 11:32 pm

How do you know that?
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Sun May 23, 2010 12:11 am

because they left a review for chapter 33, not chapter 1.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Lee on Sun May 23, 2010 2:19 am

Maybe they're one of those people who like to read the last chapter only. I know my friend would read the last sentence of a book before he read the whole thing. I don't know why, don't ask.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Sun May 23, 2010 4:41 pm

i mean, ive read the last page of a book before beginning it but...i wouldnt review it based on that one page i read XD. i dont know, i suppose so.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Lee on Sun May 23, 2010 4:50 pm

I doubt they read every chapter. Unless they type out some kind of reply that has some key plots from each chapter, there's no way to tell.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Sun May 23, 2010 5:18 pm

im hoping they didn't read every chapter XD.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Tue Jul 20, 2010 6:10 pm

i was wondering if you guys could take a look at what i've done so far on the daydream contest. this is just my first entry since i have a few other ideas.

http://img835.imageshack.us/img835/3043/daydreamcopy.jpg

i know i want something in the middle. but i dont know what i should put there...
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Lee on Tue Jul 20, 2010 6:44 pm

The idea and illustration is nice, but you might want to add more land to it. It seems a little crunched and might make some feel claustrophobic.

I would also suggest blending in the colors more, since right now it's a dramatic change. A subtle change will keep the audience gazing about without feeling like they have to stop if you understand that. It looks nice so far though.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Tue Jul 20, 2010 6:46 pm

ok i can edit that in. as for color blend, id have to make the picture longer because it doesnt work the size the pic is now XD.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Lee on Tue Jul 20, 2010 6:52 pm

You can blend easily with photoshop. I thought that's what you were using. There are brushes and you set it to blend mode and just scrub it in a circular pattern, but not too much or it will get too blurry.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Tue Jul 20, 2010 7:33 pm

i dont know if the blend tool is in my photoshop. i have photoshop elements 4.0, not the newer ones.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Lee on Tue Jul 20, 2010 7:34 pm

Just get a 30 day trial thing then. It should have it since the blend tool is really old.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Tue Jul 20, 2010 7:38 pm

if i have it, it's not called the blend tool in the one i have.

i actually managed to fix the gradient. at least, it's better than what it was before.

as for getting the trial, will i be able to open the elements 4.0 file in the new photoshop?
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Lee on Tue Jul 20, 2010 7:48 pm

Try different filters and blurs.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:17 pm

i have the blur tool, yes. im probably going to smooth it all out once im done figure out what else i want in the picture.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Lee on Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:18 pm

Yes smoothing out will make it flow so nicely. So if you don't mind, what exactly are you going to add in the empty space?
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:34 pm

i have no idea lol XD. im hoping something comes to me.
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Lee on Sun Jul 25, 2010 7:43 am

So how is your ideas or project going for this? Have you started working and putting it or paper or are you still in the planning stages?
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Re: Two Things To Show

Post  Loyal Subject on Sun Jul 25, 2010 2:02 pm

i still have no idea what im doing. my dream worlds are either too crazy for me to actually draw or too simple. i took a picture though that i might submit, it's on my dA account.

i havent been working on the other drawing i did because im going to wait to download the newer photoshop until after i get a new laptop. i took my old one to our computer store and they said it is way too old to be doing all the things i want to do with it to the point where even having photoshop or final cut pro on a flash drive wouldn't even work. so yeah...im going to wait on that one.

i have an idea that would be 'bland' like you suggested but i havent decided yet if i want to draw it or take a photograph. i think either one might work so im probably going to try both and see which one i like better.

thanks for asking though =)



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